The 3 Fundamentals For Initiating Successful Relationships

You are human and you have many relationships. Let’s talk about the one you might be missing. Are you confident you found the love of your life? Are you so happy being single that you don’t care about dating? Don’t worry, I’m NOT going to talk about romantic relationships. *crowd gasps*

Instead, I want to talk to you about initiating quality relationships with the people in your life that are going to add value to you and make you more successful.

The people you have relationship with significantly direct your life. Being intentional about who is doing that directing, well, that’s hard work.

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People will always be coming and going through your life. Some of them have the capacity to take you further than you’ve ever been, or could ever go on your own. However, without a relationship with them, you won’t have access to that potential.

Intentionally beginning relationships with other people is the key to moving from where you are to where you want to be.

Let’s break it down.

1. Acknowledge

“What you see is all there is.” Daniel Kahneman

Every day we encounter human beings. We see them in our workplace, at school, at the gym, in the park. But oftentimes we pay them no mind, only acknowledging their existence when absolutely necessary. We put in our headphones, stare at the ground, and hope they don’t want anything from us.

When we choose to live in a world with only necessary relationships, we are caring only about ourselves, and it’s keeping us from being our best.

C. S. Lewis said, “By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets…”

Choose relationships with the people around you who can call your whole man into activity, who can bring out the best in you.

When you acknowledge someone, you’re breaking through to their humanity. It doesn’t take much. Look a person in the eye! Smile and say you’re glad to see them! Ask how their day is going and actually listen to the response!

Take Action: Greet and make eye contact with everyone who comes within ten feet of you.

Acknowledging = Taking notice + Initiating contact

 

2. Show Interest

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie

People love to talk about themselves. But how do we get people to talk about themselves in a way that’s designed to build relationship with them. As it turns out, the answer is to show interest in their interests!

Now, by showing interest I don’t mean asking a lot of superfluous questions about something you don’t care about just to get someone to like you. In order for your interest to have the effect of building relationship, you must be genuine. People know when you’re asking questions because you have an agenda.

By asking sincere questions about what the other individual is into or up to, you are telling them that you care to know who they are. If you don’t care, you’re not going to build a successful relationship.

Put aside what’s going on in your life and what you’re trying to achieve to focus on the person in front of you. Be a good listener.

Take Action: Find out three things the other person is interested in, and ask them three questions about each interest.

Showing interest = Caring + Asking great questions

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3. Connect

“Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.” – John Maxwell

Connection means finding the things you have in common with the other person and honing in on shared interests. This can also involve an exchange of perspective, advice, or encouragement.

A connection brings value to the relationship. Connecting is an important part of beginning a successful relationship because it solidifies the quality of the relationship and gives an opportunity for future engagement.

Connecting is a two-way street. To connect successfully, learn to share and be open about your own experiences and thoughts or ideas about whatever it is you’re connecting about.

Take Action: Discover at least one shared interest and capitalize on it by adding valuable perspective, advice, or encouragement.

Connecting = Finding common ground + Adding value

 


 

Now there’s no guarantee that the people you want to have relationship with will reciprocate. But these three steps should help! All we can do is bring our best.

Relationships are the key to a healthy, happy life. They are important if you want to get to the next level, and they are the single biggest blessing in all of life. In order to take ownership and increase your number of healthy relationships:

  1. Stop: Waiting passively for relationships to develop,
  2. Start: Initiating and beginning the development of enriching relationships,
  3. Continue: Connecting with the people you are already in a relationship with.

Remember… take action, take action, take action.

Questions or thoughts? Comment below!

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6 Reasons Why You Should Want to be Better

The Average Human Experience vs. Better Human Experience

Your life experience is from birth to death. What you do and how you live in between birth and death can be known as average, or it can be known as better than average. Sometimes worse than average. A better human life experience comes directly from the choice to determine a better than average outcome.

The average human lives a life experience dictated by the events, people, and social pressures that they are surrounded with. They let life lead them instead of leading life themselves. In the average human experience, there is more of a concern about what one is supposed to do than what will produce better results.

But a better life experience means you are succeeding in fending off the average and less than average propensities. It means you are leading a quality life that has noticeable value. A better life experience is characterized by these 6 things:

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1. You Write Your Own Story

Life is a malleable experience. You get to shape and direct it. That doesn’t mean every plan you make is going to come to fruition in all the glory that you intended. But it does mean that whatever happens, you get to decide how it affects you. The average human mind that’s stuck in the average human experience says, “This happened, so I have to do this.” But those who live out a better human experience say, “I will do this in the hopes that this will happen.” The average one responds. The better one initiates.

The former is living a life based off of things happening to them. The latter is living a life based off of making things happen.

2. You Actually Love Life

We often hear about and know of, and perhaps even are, people who don’t really possess a love of life. For whatever reason we take what life has dealt us and let it drown our drive and destroy our fervor to live expansively.

Despite what you might think, the extent to which one loves one’s own life has nothing to do with position, circumstance, or fate. It involves self-awareness, contentedness, self-motivation, and self-esteem. The effects may not be measurable, but the value is extreme. Devotion to attaining one’s own style of living, method of doing, and level of dreaming results in personal success over typical social practices. The idea is not to slander another for being different, rather to live to the fullest your heart desires.

stefan-stefancik-2576273. You Have a Chance for Better

“The ultimate victory… is derived from the inner satisfaction of knowing that you have done your best and that you have gotten the most out of what you had to give.” –   Howard Cosell

When we focus on being better, we increase our capacity to lead a better life.

Better is perpetually redefinable. That means you can never achieve a state of “better”. And no matter how hard you try, better is always one step ahead of you. But living for a better human experience opens up the opportunity for an increasingly better you and a better life. Focusing on being better, makes you better. And even though you will never “arrive”, you will go further and live better than you ever thought possible.

4. You’re Not Bored

Sometimes you have very little motivation. You notice that people and activities drain you more than they normally would or should. Life seems tasteless and categorically un-exciting. It also becomes pretty boring because you forget the purpose of it. You are essentially existing in this world rather than living and loving in it.

This phenomenon encourages us to adopt the average human experience. That is, the lack of that which makes things better than they were before. It is coasting through life, not growing in it.

But interest arises once again when we seek out better things. Everyone gets in a funk every once in a while. Change is the remedy. Change toward a better human experience. And a better human experience is never associated with ennui. You don’t have time for it.

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5. You Stand Out and Can Make a Difference

When you are living better than your average, your lifestyle distinguishes you more. People have a natural affinity toward those who are doing well for themselves. And when you are seeking a better human experience, it is apparent.

So do what makes you happy as you take on this improved status, knowing it renders you more effective in it. You will make more friends, do greater things, and see more success when you stand out. As a result, you will begin to make more of a difference.

6. You Have Limitless Potential

“The principle is competing against yourself. It’s about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before.” -Steve Young

Average is limiting. There is a cap to average and it’s not high. But because better is redefinable, there is no limit to enhancing your human experience. Better is limitless. When you live for better and are becoming better, you’re also limitless. To be your best you must always want to be better. And by adopting the idea of a better human experience you will never stop growing your potential.

All That To Say…

The average human experience yields dormant potential, little progress, and makes little difference. But a better than average human experience yields limitless potential, leaps of progress, and can produce a magnitude of difference. Seek to live out your best human experience.